Update on the Ugly Side and a Message of Thanks

There was going to be a different post for the weekend, but this was something I wanted to say now rather than wait until the topic cooled down.

I did not have a direction when I first started this blog, but I am fairly certain I did not picture using the tag "abuse" for any of the posts. This blog started partly as a means for me to record numbers and statistics on games so I could find them later. Then I added in some miniature painting which I might add back in from time to time. I have made some video game related posts. Here lately however, I have had a lot to say on the subject of abuse. As this is my personal blog, it will change as I change.

There has been more information on the minor that was found unconscious at Comic Con last weekend. It would be more accurate to state there was more information on the primary suspect and there are more than the one suspect. I will not give names here. It's out there if you want to look for it. I believe people have a right to a fair and just trial that is not a part of public opinion. Shaming is an attempt by the morally superior to hurt others. I do think we need to continue to talk about the issue as it will happen again with different faces as long as we permit it to do so.

In this instance, the suspect was a twenty nine year old male. He has had a sexual relationship with the girl for an indeterminate amount of time. My understanding is months, but I have not found an exact length to the relationship. The relationship was originally denied by the suspect, but confirmed by both himself and the girl after she had awoken at the hospital. The girl was intoxicated when tested. Her injuries are consistent with a fall from approximately six feet. She got in a fight with her friends, including the suspect, and left a party by herself. This is all we truly know at this point.

The reasons I felt like updating the blog with this now are many. The people I have seen trying to keep the discussion going are being shouted down. This is an uncomfortable topic. People are tired of hearing about it before a week had even passed. The coverage tends to touch only certain spots of the story or contradict each other in places. People are already ignoring this case and are shutting themselves off from future discussion whether it may be this case or a separate one.

The most frequent reason I have read for people to dismiss this particular case was that the girl's injuries were a result of a fall. The police have yet to let us know how she fell or where exactly she fell from. They are still treating it as an assault, but not a brutal assault. She was found near a pool, but the public does not know if that is where she fell. People are automatically associating fall with accident. It does not help when those reporting on the story use the word accident even when the authorities have not stated the fall was an accident. The public does not have enough information at this time to know whether the fall was an accident or not. Anybody saying either or is making an assumption from what I have read writing this.

Let's assume for the moment that it was an accident. "The guy is innocent. It was an accident." The answer here would be no. They had been attending a party together and one of the charges is directly related to him possibly providing her with alcohol. They have been in a sexual relationship. "It's okay. He thought she was twenty." What grown man is in a sexual relationship over a period of months and does not realize the other person attends a High School? This admittedly is speculation on my part. I find it highly improbable he did not have some clue, and even at twenty he should not be providing her with alcohol if that part of the charges checks out. Evidence may come forward that changes my opinion on this aspect of this particular case. This is merely my opinion based on the information I have.

Again, I do not want to focus on shaming one man. He is one among many. Shaming does not help us to understand why these things happen or find ways to prevent the same from happening again. We need to find identifiers for this type of behavior and how to let people know to check for them within themselves. We need to establish a public discourse that encourages both open discussion and lets people know it is okay to come forward for help. We need prevention. We do not need to teach people to bottle up these emotions and urges as that has proven not to work. There does need to be punishment of the guilty, but there also needs to be help for the guilty as they need it along with those they have wronged. We absolutely do not need to stop discussing the topic. Abuse thrives when we ignore it.

The fiction I enjoyed as a child was the stories where the protagonist took a stand. I became a comic book fan specifically for this reason. What got me as a kid was not that the heroes had powers. It was the fact they were empowered. Even those that had no powers would still rise up against cosmic threats because that is what heroes do. They take a stand even when there is great personal risk and that is why I loved them.

I wanted to say thank you to some individuals. Again no names. This is primarily because I know at least one of them wants people to remember her for her work and not because she is taking a stand. I highly doubt she will ever see this, but thank you all the same. She has been speaking out on this topic for years. This whole week she has been sharing this story and trying to keep the conversation going. I have seen her on the receiving end of so much hate this week. I have seen people call her a psychopath and others imploring her to drop things as the discussion helps no one. She keeps at it though. She is not alone, but she has been one of the most active I have seen when it comes to this particular story. I do not know where she and others like her finds the strength to fight against such adversity. I watch her and the spattering of others and I can not imagine how lonely it feels to stand up like that. Thank you for being a hero to me.

Update 03 Aug 2014
The police have let the public know that the girl fell while climbing a gate. This is confirmed now not to be a case of assault.