Our destination is Ironius Paintorus
III in the Wyrd system. Preparations are underway to present the
representatives with a scientific gift that will interface with their
technology, but not be of their own making. The engineers ensure me
that all of the components are available and assembled. My Science
officer will be calibrating the prototype model while the ship's
Counselor will be overseeing the final preparations. We must arrive
and present the model no later than the morning of 13016.130, or all
is for naught.
This is a personal entry. It is a
little bit on the long side. It is a post that many should probably
skip. There is a bit of me feeling sorry for myself in this post.
This post may contain Too Much Information (TMI). Consider that a
final warning that you will not get back the time it took to read the
remainder. I feel it is important to share life's hiccups on
occasion, and I have the time to do so right now.
For those that do not know me
personally, I have a neurological condition. Doctors have theories as
to what it is, but when it comes right down to it, they do not know.
Multiple Sclerosis was the leading candidate for many years. It is
still a consideration, but they have as of yet to find any lesions.
Lesions should be relatively easy to find in my condition.
Somatization is a possibility. The only doctors to suggest it are
doctors that were in and out of clinics so I only got to see either
of them once each. Somatization is a hard diagnosis to accept. I am
not actually diagnosed, and Somatization is actually not all that
likely, but it is still a path I continue to pursue just in case. I
had a doctor think it might be Muscular Dystrophy, but I had only
seen that doctor once. Lyme Disease was suggested but never seriously
pursued. The current contender is Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating
Polyneuropathy (CIDP for short), which shares a lot of symptoms with
Multiple Sclerosis, but is much harder to identify. There had been
others, but those are the big ones.
Regardless of the actual condition, it
means I face certain limitations. I started having trouble gripping
things on and off in the nineties. There were times I had no energy.
I was prone to dizzy spells. I had occasions where I was unable to
move my body. I chalked it up to being lazy. The last time I was able
to stand on my own was in 2005. The last time I was able to sit up on
my own was a couple of years after that. There are days I can not
hold up my head. Some days I am unable to get out of bed. There are
times other people can not understand my speech because I will slur
or mumble.
I entered Iron Painter because my
health has been in a bit of an upswing. That is the nature of life
for me. It used to be massive spikes of mountains and valleys where
for the last few years it had petered out to be more like rolling
hills. Sometimes I do better than others and the reason as to why is
rarely identifiable. I do not know if I will be able to participate
in a painting competition after this. I know that sounds fatalistic,
and it may not be the case, but it might be. I have never been part
of a large miniature painting competition, and I wanted to know what
it would feel like. I do not want to be looking at future Iron
Painters or other painting competitions and thinking to myself I
should have joined while I still could.
The first round went pretty smoothly
for me. There were a few issues health wise, but they were minor as
far as their effect on the competition. I did my best to relax the
week between the first two rounds. I was chomping at the bit and
cleaning models for gaming purposes going into round two. Round two
started out okay, but I started losing it part way into the project.
There were times I was painting with a stuffed animal wedged up
against my neck for my head to rest on, and I had trouble with the
brush. I had to watch my hand because I could not tell the position
of the brush by touch. Quite a bit of the time between round two and
three was spent in bed. I was partially relieved when I switched
projects and had to wait on shipping. The delay meant more downtime
before I had to get back to the competition even though it also meant
I was looking at less time to actually paint.
Earlier I mentioned I had the time to
write this right now. I am on my fourth change of undergarments since
I have been up with only one diaper left. I did manage to paint the
binding on one foot in that time. I hope to return to the model in a
bit, but it is a little bit of a struggle. I am taking a little bit
longer of a break at this moment before returning to painting. I am
attempting to do something productive during this break.
Some people claim to enjoy seeing how
the sausage is made. The way I make the sausage is to keep painting
even if doing so seems to make things worse. Sausage making is a
messy process. Sometimes I stumble. Okay, I stumble a lot. Everybody
has their struggles. Mine is no more detrimental to my hobby time
than most. Just because we face different struggles does not mean
that one struggle is more real than another. Some people have family
or work or other commitments or health issues of their own. I am
lucky in that I have no life or commitments. This is the only real
obstacle I face when it comes to painting miniatures.
This is a difficult hobby. I do not
feel I am particular good at it, but I do love this hobby. It
combines so many creative endeavors that I love. Please keep at it if
you love the hobby. Keep stumbling. Even if the stumble is backward,
it is still movement. Pick a direction. Keep your focus on your goal
and not necessarily on where you are at in relation to that goal. Try
not to worry too much on which direction you are actually moving as a
painter as long as you keep moving.
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